burying the past behind

it's been two months since my last entry.. and for the past two months, a lot of things has been moving in and about.. like.. i got kicked out of the house for making a fuss about those two interns, my mom's been imposing these ridiculous rules just to annoy me and to amuse them, my dad's been in a very awesome mood swings (one day he's good, next day he's bad), my brother's big turn around of anger towards me, my nephew raffy finally learned how to walk, me thinking of joining this society of some people, i would really like to try buddhism or shintoism, and a plus, i'll be saying goodbye to this activity i've been doing for a year.

yeah... it's been a year... a year of torment and languish... people have been persuading me that this is the perfect activity for me... but i know myself... it isn't... i know what i want and what i need... i've been feeling like this since i started doing this activity, and for some reasons, it backfired... oh lo... why do i have to feel this severe mental distress? if only i have escaped this correctional facility, i wouldn't be experiencing this agony of despair... they put me in this brig where they told me i have to enhance myself for 30 days or else they would bound me from this activity... so, instead of letting myself be expired by the same people who put me in this brig, i myself relinquished this forsaken activity i've been holding for a year now because of some people told me so...

i mean, i just don't get it... why do they have to manipulate the minds of other people just to have this weird satisfaction in their minds... is this some kind of achievement or goal in their lives that if they persuade someone to do their biddings, they would reach nirvana?

enough of this scarred lithium, and let's start over with this new illumination...

just a quick recap, this life is just like a blood coming out of a wound ready to be tasted by nature... it has been quite an experience and i learned a lot from the people who handled, mistreated, guided, misguided, helped, and discriminated me all throughout the way... this is coming from a monster who has a lot to say, but has little time to tell it all...

and for the record... i just wanna say... thank you...

for you guys made me who i am today... someone full of sadness and unrequited love...

but for those people who believed in me... i just wanna say big and warm... thank you...

for you guys made me who i am today despite the sadness and unrequited love... someone who hopes for a new and better tomorrow...

now i know for myself that i am good enough... good enough for the world to see and behold...

then again... thank you... you made my one full year full of memories and tears to behold and remembered...

this is gonna be my last post regarding this issue of the matter... after this... it's time to start anew...

--me